Issue No. 9 | Returning to Creativity
First draft reflections, IT horror recs, and a horror photoshoot
From the Shadows
May is usually a time for growth, renewal, and the transition into summer. It’s a month full of excitement and possibilities. This year, I’m declaring it the month I find my way back to creativity.
As children, imagination and creativity ooze out of us. We don’t question it, we lean into it. We use imagination and belief to fight against fear. But something happens as we become adults. It’s like that part of the brain gets tucked away and replaced with rigid routines and achievements we endlessly chase because we were taught that’s the road to happiness. Only to either get there and realize we still aren’t happy, or keep chasing a finish line that keeps moving further away.
We cling to distractions and fake dopamine. The news cycle is constantly shoved into our algorithms, keeping us anxious and eventually numb to it all. Our familiar hell becomes our safe space, so instead of reaching outside of it, we snuggle up with it. Or run back to it the moment trying something different becomes too uncomfortable.
But what if we flipped the script? What if we tapped back into childlike imagination and let ourselves play again? We always say things like, “When I was a kid I loved making music, writing stories, drawing, painting, dancing…” but then follow it with, “I don’t have time for that now. Gotta pay the bills.”
And yes, we all have to pay the bills. But we also waste so much of our free time numbing out because, let’s be honest, the state of the world can feel pretty depressing. What if we let our inner child lead sometimes? I truly believe creativity and play are the antidote to adulting.
Now, I’m not saying quit your job and start a business selling your art. I mean… I’m not not saying that either. But I’ve done that before. While I don’t regret it at all, turning my love for cookie decorating into a full-time business eventually made it feel like work I despised. So there’s a fine line there I’m still learning how to walk.
What I do know is that when I was writing my first draft and my short stories, I felt full of hope and positive energy. The same thing happens when I’m gardening, when I pick up my camera to photograph flowers, when I plan a photoshoot for a short story, or when I get completely immersed in a book. I felt accomplished. I was filling my own cup every day with real dopamine.
And then life happened, as it always does, and all those good habits slowly fell to the wayside and were replaced with worse ones. I started writing when I had time instead of making time to write. Big difference. Doomscrolling became a daily habit. I listened to tons of podcasts, which can feel productive, but without action it’s really just another distraction. Reading before bed got replaced with TV, which meant my sleep wasn’t great either.
By not feeding my creativity, I started to feel blah. Like my mind was trapped in the town of Derry and filled with negativity. I fell into the cycle I call “Greta taking the wheel.” My inner gremlin was having the time of her life, screaming in my ear all the reasons why I should quit while I’m ahead and how it’s easier to just ride the wave of life. Honestly, I bet she takes notes from Pennywise.
I’ll admit, I let myself sit in that misery for a bit. Sometimes I think we need to let those feelings run through us. But we also have to know when it’s time to get up and climb out of it.
After reading through my first draft, I felt my inner child trying to find her way back out of the dark tunnels of my mind. Revisiting my own story became the flicker of sunlight my creativity needed to finally claw its way back out.
The Monster Grows | Inside Draft Two
This past month I slowly, and I mean slowly, read through my first draft. While I’m still in love with my story, it pains me to say it needs a lot of work. My first draft has the bones. While some may not be in the right place and some don’t belong, it’s still a wobbly skeleton. So wobbly I’m scared that one wrong move and it’ll come tumbling down like Jenga pieces.
To be honest, rereading my draft was an emotional roller coaster. There were several moments where I felt incredibly proud of myself, so caught up in the emotional moments of the book I literally cried and felt excited to dive back in. And then there were the darker, not so nice moments. The ones where Greta was whispering in my ear, “You should just quit. It’s horrible. The writing is awful.”
I started to panic, unsure how the hell I was going to turn this into a publishable book. My taste in writing has outgrown my skill, and that can be discouraging. Then the realization hit after reading the last word. It’s going to take time to get this book where it needs to be before publishing. If I really want to give this book my all, I have to put my head down and focus, do the work, and be patient. And for crying out loud, I cannot play the comparison game because I will drown in it along with my book.
While rereading, I started keeping a list of notes to myself for draft two. Things like:
My protagonist Camila is too self-aware.
Most of Act I needs to be cut and completely rewritten.
I over explain everything instead of trusting the reader.
I rush through big moments and need to slow them way down.
I need to decide whether I’m going to have the book in first person, third person limited, or a mix of both. I honestly don’t know where I want to go here, but I do know I need to read more books written in first person.
The structure of Act II needs to be completely reworked, and a few scenes need to be added and cut.
Izzy, my second protagonist, needs a clear misbelief, and I need to define her relationship with Camila better.
I don’t love the lore. I like it, but it feels too one-dimensional.
As you can see, I have a lot of work ahead of me. My next steps will be to reread my first draft again, but this time I’ll be doing a detailed reverse outline. That way I can see the story from a bird’s eye view and then go from there.
That being said, there were several moments and passages in the book that I loved. I’m going to share a few of my favorite passages from the first draft below exactly how I wrote them.
“Like loving him out loud was a flaw. Like all the effort I poured into being worthy of love was proof I didn’t deserve it.”
“It was like walking into a Mad Hatter’s tea party. Where the rules I learned about being a human didn’t apply. Where all the broken parts of the human mind were on display.”
“Even a snake bleeds when it sheds.”
“I don’t wan to keep piling on makeup. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”
“Well duh. We are trying to hide the ugly parts remember? So they’ll love us.”
As messy and wobbly as my first draft is, I’m still proud of myself for the simple fact it exists. It’s time to put on a new hat, the editor one, and start bringing my story to life. Draft two will be all about building a stronger skeleton while protecting its heart. And maybe I’ll add some other organs along the way.
A Bloom of Terror
Every month, I’ll plant a little horror here. Sometimes it will be a short fiction story, other times personal essays.
The Haunted Shelf 📚🎬📺
This is where I’ll share book, movie, and show recommendations. I’d love to know what you’re reading and watching, so feel free to reply with your own favorites.
This month’s pick is all things IT. The book, the movies and the tv show.
📚 The Book
IT by Stephen King is a masterpiece. I listened to the audiobook narrated by Steven Weber, so I know that’s a different experience than physically reading it. Besides one particular scene (iykyk), I loved how imaginative and creative this book was. Pennywise the clown, an interdimensional shapeshifting being who lives in the sewers of Derry, feeds particularly on the fear of children. The story follows a group of kids known as the Losers Club, who defeat IT as children and return as adults to try to kill IT for good.
The book jumps between two main timelines and several characters, so it can be a little hard to follow at times. My favorite message from the story, or at least the one I took away from it, is that imagination can overpower fear. As children, we tend to believe in things, and in ourselves, more freely. But as adults, it’s like we forget how to do that. Through imagination and belief, the Losers Club is able to face what terrifies them most.
One thing I really appreciate about Stephen King’s writing is how descriptive and immersive it is. Reading his books has also shown me that it’s okay to break the rules. Stephen King, along with Shirley Jackson, has definitely become one of my favorite horror authors and someone I want to continue reading and studying closely.
🎬 The Movies
IT Chapters 1 and 2, released in 2017 and 2019, were fantastic movies. The films split the two timelines into separate stories. While very different from the book, Chapter 1 follows the characters as children, while Chapter 2 focuses on the adults returning to Derry to face Pennywise again.
I actually watched the movies with my son and husband before listening to the audiobook, and my mind was blown after Chapter 1. I fell in love with the creativity of it all. At the time, I was working on the first draft of my book and struggling with some of the supernatural elements. After watching these movies, it was like something clicked. The part of my brain that was too afraid to tap into childlike imagination finally opened up again. But of course, life happens, and adulting has a way of sealing that part of the brain back up. It’s a work in progress.
Needless to say, I loved both movies and thought Bill Skarsgård did a fantastic job playing Pennywise. I never in a million years would’ve thought that one of my favorite horror characters of all time, which is a frequent topic of conversation at the dinner table in my family, would be Pennywise the Dancing Clown.
📺 The Show
Welcome to Derry brings you back in time to the 1950s during a previous feeding cycle, with completely different characters and all. In the book, there are interludes that dive into Derry’s violent history. The show expands on them, creating an entirely new story and experience while still keeping it connected to the two movies. The show definitely amped up the gore and creativity while also delivering very lovable characters, especially the children. It was also fun seeing a character from another Stephen King book, The Shining, appear in the show. Overall, the series was fun, imaginative, full of easter eggs and one I highly recommend.
From My Creative Crypt
This is my little corner for fun extras.
This month I thought it’d be fun to share a little behind-the-scenes look at the photoshoot we did for my latest horror short story, A Little Slip.
The Last Whisper
Thank you for making it all the way to the end of my haunted little newsletter. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you replied back, shared it with a friend, or just let me know what you’re reading and watching. Your support means the world to me as I start this author journey.
Before I go, here is your reminder:
Creativity is a form of self-care, individual expression, and honestly, I think it has the power to heal our humanity. But in order to tap into it, first we have to quiet the noise. We are constantly consuming so much information that we can’t even hear our own thoughts anymore. We’re letting the Pennywises behind the algorithms tell us how to think. How can we truly know what lights us up if we never allow ourselves to be bored?
I highly recommend doing media detoxes often. For me, that looks like no social media, no podcasts, no nonfiction audiobooks, and no TV. You’d be amazed at how much free time you actually have.
Use that time to grab your inner child’s hand, follow their lead, and go explore and play. Return to your version of creativity.
Until next time,
Christina
