Happy Friday the 13th! If you know me, you know my lucky number is 13 for many reasons. February is also one of my favorite months because it’s both mine and Armando’s bday month. Okay enough about us…time for the newsletter.
From the Shadows
When most people think about February, they think about love. Romantic love and friendship kind of love. The stores are filled with red and pink heart-shaped products to buy, because that’s how you show someone you love them, right? You buy something, give it to them, and say, “Hey, I love you this many dollars-worth.” I kid, I kid.
But in all seriousness, February can sometimes feel lonely for those who don’t have a partner or someone to celebrate it with. I think we’re focusing on the wrong kind of love sometimes or at least forgetting about one. We tend to be so generous with the love we pour into others but forget about the most important kind of love. Self-love.
Self-love is a lifelong journey because we’re always evolving into different versions of ourselves. To me, it looks like building a relationship with all parts of yourself, practicing radical acceptance, and prioritizing self-care. It means believing in yourself and stepping into the role of the main character in your own life. It means being the final girl in your movie and finally turning to face the monster chasing you.
Plot twist. The monster is yourself. Or what I like to call your inner gremlin. And unfortunately, they’re like Jason Voorhees. No matter how many times you kill them, they always come back to life.
A huge part of self-love for me is giving myself grace. Not being so damn hard on myself all the time and accepting the rougher, darker sides of me too. I still have flaws, and I still feel guilty when I rest instead of being productive. I still compare myself to others at times. There are days when my inner gremlin wins, grabs the mic, and she is brutal. But the next day, I take the mic back. I hype myself up, remind myself of who the hell I am and that I’m enough, and I try again.
There is no destination where we finally conquer self-love. It’s a lifelong journey, and we’re all figuring it out as we go.
The Monster Grows (Book Progress Update)
🩸 Progress so far: 68,647 words
🎃 Recent win: Finally learning that the job of a first draft is simply to exist.
🕯️ Biggest challenge: Writing action and fight scenes.
This past month was a huge win for me. I’m almost done with the first draft of my book, and I truly can’t believe I only have a couple more chapters left to write. 🤯 Don’t get me wrong, this draft is messy AF. But I’m incredibly proud of myself for sticking to my writing schedule and showing up on every planned day, even when I really didn’t want to.
I stayed off social media for the most part, and honestly… it’s been great. For my writing and mental health. A part of me doesn’t want to go back at all. Haha. I might start spending more time here on Substack instead. We shall see. More on that another time.
All that to say, I protected my creativity and my commitment to this book. Yes, I got a ton of writing done, but the biggest win is that I proved to myself that I can do this. That I can do hard things. I pushed through scenes I felt unsure about or didn’t know how to write, aka anything involving action or fighting. My google search history is questionable, so I started adding “for a horror fiction book” to the end of every search. Then I’d look at the image results, immediately gross myself out, and continue writing the gross scene anyway.
Writing Act III has been a journey. A hard one, but a fun one. I even started thinking about my protagonist’s future in a possible sequel (if I ever went that route) and made myself cry. These characters are fictional, but they already hold a special place in my heart.
I’m in love with this story, which is probably a good thing since I’ll have to read it a gazillion times. I know this book still needs a lot of work, but at least I got the bones down. It’s not quite a full skeleton yet and may be missing a bone or two, but it’s doing its job. It exists.
A Bloom of Terror
Every month, I’ll plant a little horror here. Sometimes it will be a short fiction story, other times a personal essay from my haunted garden.
The Haunted Shelf 📚🎬📺
This is where I’ll share book, movie, and show recommendations. I’d love to know what you’re reading and watching, so feel free to reply with your own favorites.
This month I’m doing things a bit differently. I’m recommending one nonfiction book and two movies. All of them explore self-love and the inner battles we go through, and each one carries a powerful message.
📚 The Book – Finding Me: A Memoir
In this memoir, Viola Davis talks about her life and the trauma she endured. She takes ownership of her story instead of letting pain and other people define her. It’s an inspiring story about healing and radical self-acceptance, something I’m trying to reach for myself.
🎬 The Movie – The Ugly Stepsister
This is a body horror movie and another take on the classic Cinderella story. It centers around the stepsister, who is not ugly but believes she is. She literally contorts herself to fit into extreme beauty standards. Although this movie takes place in the 19th century, it still feels very relevant today, as women are still held to impossible standards and pitted against each other. The film is beautiful, but parts of it are a bit disturbing and gross. I almost vomited during one scene…haha..Overall, it’s about self-betrayal and the extreme things we do just to be seen and accepted.
🎬 The Movie – The Substance
This is a psychological body horror movie about society’s obsession with youth and the unrealistic beauty standards placed on women. First, I want to give my flowers to Demi Moore because her performance in this movie was incredible. As women, we tend to look back and wish we were younger, so what would you do if you were given a drug that promised exactly that? The opportunity to be young again. Demi Moore’s character becomes addicted to it, and her sense of self slowly starts to deteriorate. I’ll admit this movie was pretty gross and I’m not sure I’ll ever watch it again, but it was a great film with a powerful message.
From My Creative Crypt
This is my little corner for fun extras.
One of my favorite ways to get out of my head and back into my body, or just boost my mood, is movement and music. It’s become one of my most powerful weapons against Greta, my inner gremlin. She hates it.
I usually have a handful of go-to songs that pump me up, and I’ve started calling it my self-love playlist. I’m sharing it with you this month. Take a listen, just know my taste in music is pretty eclectic. But this is what works for me.
I encourage you to create your own playlist and use it as a form of self-love when you need a mood boost, when you’re getting ready for the day, working out, about to do something hard, or just for the pure joy of it. Whatever you need it for, make it yours.
The Last Whisper
Thank you for making it all the way to the end of my haunted little newsletter. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you replied back, shared it with a friend, or just let me know what you’re reading and watching. Your support means the world to me as I start this author journey.
Before I go, here is your reminder:
The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Treat yourself with the same love and kindness you pour into others. You are worth it. Do the things that bring you joy. Prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical health. Believe in yourself wholeheartedly and go after your dreams. You know, the ones in your heart that you keep telling yourself maybe one day, or when things slow down, or after this. You get the point. There will never be a perfect time, so why not start now? Why not choose yourself? Accept all the parts of who you are. Because you, my friend, are beautiful. So the next time you walk past a mirror, instead of thinking about everything that’s wrong, extend your hand, smile, and tell yourself, “damn girl, you fine.”
Until next time,
Christina
