Issue No. 11 | Our Inner Gremlins
Draft two updates, horror recs, and an exclusive novel snippet
From the Shadows
As we go through life, we evolve into many versions of ourselves. We learn early on to tuck away the parts of ourselves we don’t like or that society deems wrong. The dreams we once had but were told weren’t realistic. Our childlike wonder and curiosity. You’re an adult now, so you should “act your age,” get a job, and do adult things. Our trauma and fears that are too unbearable to face get locked away deep in the dark corners of our minds, forgotten. We learn to wear masks and repress whatever is unwanted. We live life as half a person, never acknowledging what some people call our shadow selves. All the repressed parts of our identity.
One day, seemingly out of nowhere, we feel something clawing at our hearts. We try to ignore it, and for some of us, we’ve mastered the art of pretending, so we force the unwanted feeling back down. But for others, we can’t bear it anymore, and eventually those dreams resurface. We become brave. We start the business even when everyone around us tells us we’re crazy for leaving a steady, good-paying job. We start the creative project, the one society tells us will never make us any money. We do the things that take us outside our comfort zone.
But the moment we step outside the cozy, comfortable parts of our minds, our shadow self sends out a personification of all the things we’ve repressed and deemed dangerous. Their goal? To protect us. To keep us safe from failure, rejection, and pain.
I refer to mine as my inner gremlin. Her name is Greta.
I wasn’t fully aware of her until I started writing, but I know she’s been with me my whole life. Right there, screaming into the microphone anytime I started creeping outside my comfort zone. Telling me all the reasons why I suck as a writer and will never be successful. Avoid the pain and rejection that comes with being a writer.
Even when I kept going and started gaining visibility, she was right there to remind me, “Uh oh. You don’t belong here. They’re going to figure out you’re a fraud. Just quit while you’re ahead and enjoy the cozy life you’ve already built with your family. Don’t rock the boat.”
And sometimes that voice wins. That’s when we start to self-sabotage. We begin believing we’re imposters who don’t belong. We stop working toward our goals and tuck that version of ourselves back into the dark corners of our minds. We lock it away and hand the key to our inner gremlin to guard. We continue living life as half a person and become really good at distracting ourselves from the things we truly want.
But I think there’s a different approach we should try.
What if we sat down with our inner gremlin and tried to understand where they’re coming from? Maybe they’re not evil or malicious after all. Maybe they’re just trying to protect us from failure, rejection, and pain. They need love and reassurance. They need to know that things are going to be okay.
I haven’t figured out how to completely quiet my inner gremlin, and honestly, I don’t think that’ll ever be possible. But the more I continue building a relationship with Greta, the more she’s willing to let me bring those hidden parts of myself back into the light.
I’m slowly getting to know myself better. And ironically enough, I think Greta and my shadow self are both part of my writing voice.
The next time your inner gremlin starts to whisper, try pausing to ask what it’s so desperately trying to protect you from. You might just find the key to your truest self.
The Monster Grows | Inside Draft Two
The past month was not a great writing month for me. I think I was struggling with imposter syndrome and secretly self-sabotaging. It happens to me all the time, but the difference now is that I’m becoming more self aware and trying to course correct.
I could sit here and tell you all the things I did for my novel this month, but the truth is I didn’t make much progress. June looked like starting a new short story, finishing the first draft, and putting it away. Starting an essay on grief but only getting through about a third of it. Starting reading a book in mid-May and still not finishing it. Looking over my novel’s reverse outline and organizing my notes, but only getting through Act I. I didn’t finish anything.
Finally, after my staycation, I decided enough was enough. I needed to focus and commit to rebuilding my writing routine. That means showing up to write four days a week no matter how I feel or whether I’m inspired. I don’t even have to write well. I just have to use my scheduled writing time. I’ve built new habits before, and it is incredibly hard, but consistency is key. (If you’re curious about the science behind habits, I highly recommend Atomic Habits.)
Anyways, this past week I committed to showing up. I focused on two things, this newsletter and my novel.
There are some pretty big plot holes and character arcs that were underdeveloped, and I haven’t been able to figure them out. Finally, I decided to journal about them, and the answers started becoming clearer. It also helped that I reread some of my brainstorming notes from April 2025 and realized I had already figured out some of the answers.
Rereading those early notes from when this idea was just a short story reminded me how excited I was about this project. I think that excitement was the gasoline I needed to reignite my spark.
I’ll admit I’m incredibly scared of the revision stage of this novel. Scared that I’m not good enough or that it will be too much for me to tackle. After journaling, I made a priority list of the biggest things I want to focus on in draft two. The only way I’m going to get through this is by breaking the process down into bite-sized pieces. I can’t fix everything all at once.
I also realized I’ll probably have two, three, or even more developmental drafts. And that’s okay. I have to do what works best for me.
I’ve decided I don’t need to do any more research, organizing, analyzing, or journaling. I just need to stay focused and actually start writing draft two this week.
If you’re writing a novel, a short story, or working toward any big goal, know that you’ll have ups and downs throughout the entire process. Once you get past the hurdle of simply starting, the excitement of new beginnings eventually wears off, and you’re greeted by the messy middle.
It’s ugly down here. But I’m convinced this is where the magic happens. You just have to be willing to face the biggest hurdle of all.
Yourself.
A Bloom of Terror
Every month, I’ll plant a little horror here. Sometimes it will be a short fiction story, other times personal essays.
The Haunted Shelf 📚🎬📺
This is where I’ll share book, movie, and show recommendations. I’d love to know what you’re reading and watching, so feel free to reply with your own favorites.
📚 The Book
Bunny by Mona Awad was on my TBR list for a while, and I’m so glad I finally picked it up. By the end of part one I was hooked and couldn’t put it down. It’s incredibly surreal and does a fantastic job of blurring the lines between reality and imagination. I was constantly questioning what was real and what wasn’t. Writing an unreliable narrator is something I struggle with, so this was a great book for me to study. It was weird, unsettling, and unlike anything I’ve ever read.
The story is told from Samantha’s perspective, a scholarship student in a prestigious MFA program who struggles with loneliness, self-doubt, and feeling like an outsider. She’s creatively blocked and has a huge imagination. The story picks up when she’s invited into an elite clique who call themselves the Bunnies. Turns out, they’re a cult that performs bizarre rituals with rabbits. As Samantha gets pulled deeper into their world, she slowly begins to lose herself trying to fit in. Beneath all the weirdness is a story about belonging, identity, and how easy it can be to lose yourself when you’re desperate to be accepted.
🎬 The Movie
Black Swan – An oldie but one of my favorites. It’s a psychological horror film about a dedicated ballerina, Nina, played by none other than the queen Natalie Portman, who lands the lead role in Swan Lake. It’s a challenge for her because she has to embody both the innocent White Swan and the seductive Black Swan. She obsesses over the role and strives for perfection. The pressure eventually leads to a mental collapse where she begins experiencing hallucinations and losing touch with reality.
To me, the movie is a powerful metaphor for imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and feeling like a fraud despite your accomplishments. It shows how the relentless pursuit of perfection can slowly consume you and how the biggest obstacle standing in your way is often your own mind.
🎬 The Movie
Us by Jordan Peele is a movie that has been stuck in my head ever since I watched it. Granted, I only saw it for the first time a few days ago. Regardless, I love horror movies that are about more than the monsters. I especially love them when the monster is you.
Us is about a family vacationing in Santa Cruz, California, whose doppelgängers crash the party with the intention of untethering themselves. The film explores many themes, including classism, privilege, and identity, all wrapped up in one great twist.
But what really stuck with me was the idea of your shadow self. The version of yourself you tuck away deep in your subconscious. Just because you bury those parts of yourself doesn’t mean they disappear. Sometimes they fight their way back to the surface, desperate for the life you’ve deprived them of. And if you’re not careful, they can take over. They can sabotage everything you’ve worked so hard to build.
To me, that’s what makes this movie so terrifying. Sometimes the scariest monster isn’t the one chasing you. It’s the one you’ve been carrying around all along.
From My Creative Crypt
This is my little corner for fun extras.
As you already know, this past month was a rough writing month for me. It was important to keep reminding myself why I fell in love with this story in the first place. So I thought it would be fun to share a small snippet from one of my favorite scenes. Without giving too much away, here’s a little peek into the world of my novel. Just keep in mind this is from Draft One, so there’s a good chance it’ll change as I continue revising.
Tiny sparks skittered across my body as if someone was tickling me, trying to wake me up. I was awake now, but I laid there with my eyes shut, wanting to savor this feeling. The feeling of the ground embracing me, each tiny blade of grass tracing spirals on my skin as though writing something it desperately wanted me to read.
It was strange. My ears did not hear any words. No voices. Not even the ones that lived inside my head. I couldn’t even hear the wind. I ran my hands through the grass and it made no sound. It was silent.
My lips curled. For most this would scare them, but for me it was my peace. And so I continued to lay there in darkness and silence, wanting to savor it a bit longer. I had never been in quiet solitude before.
My nose began to wiggle as a faint sweetness in the air greeted me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it sort of smelled like roses. No, more like roses left too long in water. Sweet, but faintly rotten, with a touch of iron.
The tiny sparks turned into goosebumps, slowly rising up my body, and my eyes shot open when it reached my neck.
The blood moon was huge, taking center stage, and felt like it was going to collapse onto me. The sky around it glowed red. The clouds looked soaked through with color, as if they had been steeped in blood instead of light. Surrounding me were thousands of shrubs, all full and growing wild with beautiful roses. Each flower held a different shape and size, but they were all red.
As I rose to my feet, my eyes were drawn down a path of grass free of rose shrubs. My eyes widened at what stood at the end of it. The weeping willow stood tall, its branches covered in rambling red roses, cascading down like a curtain.
The Last Whisper
Thank you for making it all the way to the end of my haunted little newsletter. If you enjoyed it, I’d love if you replied back, shared it with a friend, or just let me know what you’re reading and watching. Your support means the world to me as I start this author journey.
Before I go, here is your reminder:
When you’re ready to step outside your comfort zone and your inner gremlin is there to greet you, try these few things.
First, visualize them and give them a name. Paint them as a silly cartoon character. Mine is named after Greta the Gremlin from Gremlins 2. Doing this can take away some of their authority. It helps separate your inner gremlin’s voice from the truth.
Acknowledge their fears. Take a moment to dig deep and understand where they’re coming from. Is it repressed trauma you haven’t faced? Is it fear of failure because of the pain failure caused in the past? I believe that when we understand our triggers, we can come up with a game plan for working through them.
Lower the stakes. Take tiny actions. Instead of trying to do something huge, break it into smaller steps. It helps prove to both you and your inner gremlin that you’re okay. That you can do hard things.
Remember, your inner gremlin is part of you. You don’t have to silence them forever. You just can’t let them hold the pen.
That relentless Greta!